Illuminated Parenting

Who Made Up These Stories Anyway?

Being said in houses and huts around the world:

“I have to yell at my kids to get them to do anything.”
“I repeat myself constantly but they never do what I say.”
“Well, you know teenagers, they are emotional and unreasonable. Nothing we can do about that!”

Passed from household to household these kinds of statements are taken as fact. But here’s the good news – they are not facts. They are beliefs and when we believe our children will behave badly, that we have no control, this is what tends to get played out. We get just what we expect. Therefore, it feels true.

Author Author!

Who made up these Stories anyway? You did. Yup, you! Of course, you had help. Your mom, your dad, your partner, your neighbors, your friends, your cousins, your teacher, TV, movies, everyone you came in contact with, added to The Story. In your defense, you didn’t even know a Story was being created. You thought a Reality was in existence and you were just figuring out what Reality meant. Our Story is so a part of the web of our lives, we can’t see it for what it really is. It feels like being enveloped in a fog, unable to see beyond our own beliefs. Not realizing the sun is just on the other side, with a multitude of options and ways of looking at the world.

This is not about the circumstances or experiences of your growing up, but how you interpreted and decided about those events of your life. You had experiences and created beliefs based on what you heard, saw, and learned from others. The problem is that these beliefs go unchecked and passed on to the next generation without a thought.

Good News: There are Options

Good and bad things happen to all of us in varying ways. Some people take a bad experience and make something good, such as Nelson Mandela who left hatred and anger behind when he left prison. We admire his ability to choose that interpretation of a horrifying experience, a belief toward hopefulness, a positive life, and progress to be made. He was able to do that because he was self-aware, thought about his options and made a decision. Mandela decided to make his Reality a positive one even though the circumstances and events in his life were punishing. In the midst of that difficulty, he was aware of a choice.

Choose Another Path

The truth is there are solid ways to communicate directly, firmly, and peacefully with your children. You are not trapped into yelling, repeating, or giving up. For help with this, make sure you have downloaded your free copy of The Think Out from my website (click here to download your copy of the PDF). There is also an online class, called The Think Out, to expand on and give specific ideas for your family. The online class 5 Steps to a Happier Family is where you can get a sure-fire formula for making lasting changes.

A good place to start is to slow down, pause, and think about what you are saying.

  • What belief/story/idea is informing my reaction right now?
  • Are there exceptions to the rule? Why?
  • What are the other possibilities?
  • What common traps do you find yourself stuck in?
  • Who do you think highly of?
  • How do you think they were able to accomplish what you admire?

All good questions to help you get started on moving out of the fog and into the light.

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