Parenting: Where to Start?

Many parents wonder, ‘how do I figure out where to start fixing the problems in my family?’  They often feel as if they have tried everything, looked everywhere and can’t get any closer to solutions.  In the seminar, ‘Parenting Day By Day’, the first of five lessons is that to take some time to watch the family to clearly define the problems.

In our busy world we rarely take time to sit down and just watch what’s going on in our lives.  We go from errand to sports practice to dinner to chores.  We crank out every day hoping that we get enough laundry done so that everyone has something to wear.

So, how to get off this merry-go-round and be able to see your family in a new light?  The first step is to change your frame of mind.  If you are like most parents your mind is running constantly to figure out what needs to happen next or solve the crisis that just happened.  A change of mind would be to take a few moments periodically to stop and just observe what is going on around you.  We can get so absorbed in our own worlds that we forget to see what is going on.

There is a TV commercial where a family is riding in the car, a son and daughter in the back seat, mom and dad up front.  The parents appear to be oblivious to the daughter’s complaints that her brother is bugging her.  Finally a parent tells the brother to stop touching his sister.  Then the brother starts singing ‘I’m not touching you-u-u-u.  I’m not touching you-u-u-u.’ while holding his finger inches from her arm.  Her frustration is clear but the parents are no longer paying any attention.  What has become normal background noise for them is a huge problem brewing in the back seat.  The commercial ends there but I can imagine the tension building until she smacks him and then we have angry parents wondering why their kids can’t get along.

What if we made a shift in how these parents pay attention to their kids?  What if every once in a while a parent stops what they are doing, stands back and focuses on how their kids are interacting?  I know, I hear you saying, ‘I can’t stop, I can barely get through all I have to do as it is!’  But, I’m only talking about a minute or two.  Believe me, you’ll get quite an education about your kids just taking a few minutes here and there to watch your kids interact with others or with you.  Once you have some new information, you may be better able to identify what the problems are in your family.  When problems are clearly defined, it’s easier to find solutions.